


Baby Wings

by somebodytoldme



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: No real Pairings, Other, a complete crack fic, and short, but i laughed the entire time writing it, it is awful, just an idiot duo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-29
Updated: 2014-08-29
Packaged: 2018-02-15 05:15:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2217081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somebodytoldme/pseuds/somebodytoldme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chris and Brandon find a baby robin and decide to raise it. It goes as well as expected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Baby Wings

"No way," Brandon says immediately before Chris can  _even_  ask because  _whatever_  he has to ask. Because it definitely isn’t going to be a good idea. None of his ideas, as it turned out, were good ideas. They had good intentions, sure, and when Brandon heard them, he thought  _yeah, we could do this_  and then he ended up beaten and bruised. Or pantless.

"Hey! You haven’t even heard what I had to say! I could of won, like, a million dollars!"

"Did you?"

Chris looks down, and scratches the back of his neck, “well,  _no_ , but I did find something equally important.”

Knowing his friend better, Brandon nodded his head slowly. “And that is…?”

Chris’s head lifts and his eyes light up, “a baby bird!”

A baby bird, did he hear that right? He saw no correlation between a baby bird and a million dollars, except if it were some rare species. Was it a baby eagle, the American trademark, the last baby eagle on the planet? Maybe it was a dinosaur baby bird that escaped from a laboratory and now had a million dollar wanted level.

Chris squints at him, “dude, it’s a  _robin._ " He holds up a cardboard shoe-box, and sure enough, inside is the hairless little ball.

 Brandon squints at the fleshy sack, disgusted, “that hairless scrotum is worth a  _million_  dollars?”

Chris clutches the shoe-box close to his chest, already adopting ‘motherly’ instincts it would seem. “A life is! And it fell out of its nest during the storm, we have to save it! And-and it  _isn’t hairless_  it is featherless!” 

And Brandon may of bought it, if he hadn’t known Chris so well. Knew that the guy loved chicken fingers too much. Why were they called chicken fingers? Chickens don’t have fingers. He crossed his arms, “you just want a pet scrotum.”

Chris bristles, “it’s a baby  _robin._ And you don’t?”

—-

"What do baby scrotums eat?" Brandon asks, as they sit before the tiny, featherless mass.

"Worms, and junk, right?" Chris replies studying the motionless form before them. 

Brandon squints at the creature, and scratches the back of his neck, “well, let’s go dig up worms, I guess.”

That was how the pair wasted an entire day digging up a glass of worms. And when they reached inside they sat as before, except considerably more dirty this time.

"He’s not eating it," Chris sulks at the wiggling worm in the corner, and the huddled, shuddering robin on the other side.

Brandon rubs his chin, “don’t mothers like puke it out for them?”

Chris wrinkles his nose at the thought, “you aren’t suggesting we chew it up for him?”

He laughs at the suggestion, and the blatant disgust on Chris’s face, but brilliant idea dawns upon him. But it doesn’t stop him from teasing his friend, “I thought his life was worth a million dollars, it has to be worth one chewed up worm, right?”

Chris looks down at the worm cup and shutters.

"Don’t worry, I have an idea."

—-

“ _What_  is  _that?”_  cries a very disgusted Kara.

Brandon and Chris look up form the magical concoction, a formula for their baby scrotum. Brandon waves the sacrificial blender around under Kara’s nose, “why, it is a worm smoothie!” 

She leaves wailing in disgust. Only to attract attention from others around the office. Gus is the next to approach, suspiciously carrying a mug of coffee. “What is Kara wailing about- what the fuck is that?!”

"A worm smoothie, for our baby robin."

In that moment something inside Gus breaks, and in a moment he bursts out laughing. “A baby bird’s life is being held in your hands?”

The two nod simultaneously. 

"God bless him," Gus snorts into his cup of coffee as he retreats. "And throw out the blender when you’re done, please."

—-

"He’s still shivering!"

"That’s it, I’m Googling it." Brandon pulls out his phone and scrolls through a quick How-To save your baby bird or future pet robin. At first, he really wasn’t invested, but now that Gus doesn’t believe they can do it… Well, all bets are on. 

"Ahh, we have to build him a nest!" Chris reads over his shoulder.

"He’s too cold right now, as well, it says here to hold him in a cloth in between your hands for warmth. Why don’t you hold him, and I’ll fix him a nest?"

Which is how Chris is occupied with a baby robin for the rest of the day. He carries him, happily, around the office, glad it has stopped shivering, and instead has closed it’s little eyes. Everybody has now heard of the bird from Gus, and Brandon, affectionately calls him Scrotum. All bets are on.

By the end of the day, Brandon has somehow made a manageable nest of straw and natural cloth. Scrotum takes to it right away.

Just like he does everything else.

One step at a time.

—-

"I can’t believe Scrotum is all big and ready to fly from our nest," Chris says, staring at the shoe-box cradled in his arms, just like the first time he picked Scrotum up. Before, when he was bald like a scrotum, and now he was a feathered adult bird. He made it.

"I got to hand it to you guys," Gus says, somewhat proud, "I didn’t think you had it in you."

Brandon smiles, feeling slightly melancholy at letting the greatest pain in his ass go once and for all. Scrotum has become quite popular around the office, and to the fans, so his release was now a big event. Everybody was gathered around the outside of the office, and many held their cameras ready for action.

He nods at Chris, laying his hand on his shoulder, like a proud father. “Why don’t you do the honors?”

Chris looks at him, eyes shining slightly with hopeful tears, “yeah… Alright…” He faces the cameras, “today we are here to say goodbye, and free our good friend Scrotum. He’s grown into a great robin, and I’m going to miss him tons. But it is time he joined the world…”

Chris held the box out to Brandon, and slowly they both pealed back the lid, and Scrotum was dazed by the sunlight for a moment. But after a moment of silent urging, he spread his wings, stepped out, and took flight.

The cameras all titled as soared out into the air, sunlight making his wings reflect in a tiny shadow against the pavement. Only, seconds later, that shadow was swallowed by a larger one. Plummeting down, came a hawk, which captured Scrotum between it’s talons in an instant, and was gone.

Silence filled the air. Cameras were turned off. People scurried off, muttering silently, shooting pitying glances off as they escaped.

Chris stood there, still clutching the box, with Brandon at his side. Brandon squinted into the sun.

"Want to go get a burger? I’m starving."

"Yeah, sounds great."


End file.
